"Wherever slinking saboteurs slink to" - July 15, 1942
Hq/Hq Co., 3rd Armd. Div.
Camp Polk, Louisiana
July 15th, 1942
Miss Jean Johnson
Manitowoc, Wisconsin
Dear Miss Johnson;
In reply to your letter of May 27, 1942, have entered change of address in our files. We thank you.
I have referred your complaint as to the lax mail service you have been receiving to our Mailing Department, who in turn referred it to our Transportation Department, who not being able to locate the source of the trouble contacted the Federal Bureau of Investigation, one of our subsidiaries. Today we received a confidential dossier from J. Edgar which literally astounded us with its explosive facts and international implications. Due to this national emergency in which we now find ourselves we regret to state that the contents of this report must be kept strictly confidential but we feel sure that you, as a patriotic citizen of this magnificient commonwealth of ours, will bear with us in these trying times of Government Priorities and Girdleless days.
However, because of our longstanding association with your firm we have ask for, and received permission from F.D. to give you at least a hint as to the trouble which we are encountering. It is true that formerly we sent an extra special train up to Sheboygan with your mail, but alas, them days is gone forever!! Foreign agents, sabotage and the white slave ring, boring from within have so weakened the Railroads that no longer do we hear the merry Toots of Engines hastening on their way, but instead must listen to the feeble peeps of the locomotives dragging themselves to their secret graveyards, to their last resting places as it were.
Therefore, unbeknownst to you, for the last few months we have been sending your mail by carrier pigeon — and very successfully too. BUT, exactly ten days ago (according to Edgar), a slinking saboteur, Isadore by name, slunk into our unguarded pigeon loft, thrust a trembling hand deep into the folds of his black cape, withdrew a small vial and with a sneer to the moon, placed a drop of his evil (?) concoction on the tail of each of our innocent little feathered friends — Alas and alack!!! Now Isadore reslunk off to wherever slinking saboteurs slink to and was heard from no more. But the potion did its deadly work. Our innocent little feathered friends were innocent no longer (If you know what I mean). Izzy's potion of love made our doves doves in love — Alas again!
With this hint, J.J., we must stop. Let it suffice to say that an early mating season has made it impossible for us to reach you by carrier pigeon, But by the time you recieve this letter our birds will again be carrying the mail, and we feel sure that you will enjoy the same services as of before the emergency.
Very truly yours,
Louis Winsauer
MG/LW "KEEP EM FLYING"
